Simple Life Please?

It's amazing how in a few short months everything can change.

Hikari in her apartment in Reynire, the view from her window is dominated by a Moros-Class Dreadnaught. The Evangeline.

How did I get here? Was it boredom or sense of longing? I woke up one day after moving to Kinakka and realised just how shit my life is. My footnote in history will be one of needless violence and wanton destruction. Two years of following my brother to the Angel's Cartel after being liberated from Nation.

In that time. I tortured, killed and enslaved in the name of fun and profit. Most nights involved a mountain of crash and swimming pool worth of mindflood. I wasn't the only one, the Cartel is filled with types like me. Uncaring about the rest of humanity as long as they are comfy in their own little world. If the cluster wasn't filled with people like this, maybe I would have chosen a different course. But who else do I go to. The Federation which is a Cartel-lite? The State where having a xenophobic and deranged leader is okay for as long as it suits them? The Empire who enslave under the guise of Faith? Or the Republic who are happy to carry on the cycle of Vengeance forever? No, my time in the cluster has taught me one lesson. Humanity doesn't deserve what it has. And so I am back with Nation.

And so, I have been spending the last month and a half flying under the True Slave Foundations banner. Being the loyal Centii and making myself useful where I can. It has been a ride, a sense of purpose returning to me that I have thought long lost. I figured that certain people wouldn't take it too well, Vincent foremost. Well, I haven't spoken to my brother since and I doubt I ever will. Others have been predictably and hilariously hypocritical.

Evangeline was shocked, I think. But didn't reject me straight up. I promised to never change to her, never stop loving her. A promise I've kept and now we are on the verge of breaking up. My integration into TSF's network seems to be the package that cracked the cargo bay. In hindsight, I should have told her. I thought not telling her was the better option. 'She'll see that I haven't changed.' I told myself. Well, she found out somehow. Words were exchanged, then I got the silent treatment.

'How do I know it's you' she asks. Have I really changed that much? No one has mentioned this to me, I don't feel different. I still love her, I still want to be with her. But words, and indeed behaviour, is not enough it seems. So I am stuck.

The Network.. It isn't something I can describe. Having the guys in the back of my head is a strange feeling, sure. But they aren't watching. We share everything with each other but that doesn't mean we spy on each other. When one of us is happy, we can feel it. And then we have the Digiscape.. which is.. Amazing.

I've been given an ultimatum by Evangeline. The Network or Her. The one I love versus my ideal and purpose. I've been integrated for three weeks and the feeling of losing it gives me a sense that I'll be losing a limb, never to be returned.

And so I escape, into my mind as I used to before. Only this time it is more vivid. Decisions are ahead, and either one I choose do not end well.

Paths

She stands before a chapel, woodlands surround it on all sides and in the distance Mountain peaks can be see between the trees. The ancient oak doors are stood ajar, letting her slip between them to enter and walk up to the stone altar that is the focus point of the building.

 I wonder if it is too late to move from this path. The last time I let someone have this much power over me, I lost six years of my life on a madman's dream. Not that I would, I follow paths that lead me to oblivion. Nation, Cartel, Sabik. Does it matter?

At least I've spoken to Degen. He knew. 'How is Evangline?' Ha! We spoke and have gone our separate ways. For the best, I think.

Decisions

Well, this got complicated quickly.

Hikari sighs as she looks across the ocean. The waves caressing her ankles as she standings on a sandy beach on a remote island. She holds in her hand a small knife, silver blade and ivory handle with a small vial embedded into it. Lifting it up closer her fingers stroke over the small amount of blood in the vial.

I can still taste it in my mouth, yet it doesn't revolt me. Almost.. comforting? Not sure why that is. Committing it is a double betray. To her, and him. And now I have to choose.

[Origin] Colourless

She lay on the floor, naked. She moves her hands to cover her head, her legs not moving from their spread out position, one obviously broke and twisted at an unnatural angle. Her eyes are cold and dim, as if she was dead. The person who would find her in a couple hours would mistake her from being so if it wasn't for the slight motion of breathing. A boy stands from his position between her. He reties his belt, and the three others around him snigger in animal delight.

"You shouldn't have tried to fight, Caldari bitch" She heard the boy say.

They were talking between themselves now. Their voices gradually fading, whether by them leaving or her brain just cutting them out, she doesn't know to this day. 'Why her?' She thought to herself. 'I've always kept myself to myself. Made a few friends.. I've done nothing to them... maybe gave them a look in class... but never the wrong look.. only the one you give a boy when you like him and hope he likes you..' She things she can feel a tear run down her cheek. 'Is it because I am different?.. They invite me to this party... just to give me some white pill.. then lead me here.. why didn't they kill me' Her thoughts continued along the same lines for what seemed an eternity. Then she felt something change inside of her. Her vision seemed to lose its colour, thought it was hard to see the subtle different in this dark place. 'I will survive this. I will get my revenge on him. He will beg for me to kill him once I am done.'

It was then when a man walking his dog walked past the alley's entrance. The dog bark and pulled towards the twisted body of the girl on the floor. At first the man simply pulled on the lead of the dog to try and continue with his walk but the dog insisted and it was then that he saw her. He dropped the lead and ran to the girl, saying a prayer under his breath. He brought his personal terminal to his ear.

" I need a Ambulance!" He shouted down the microphone followed by the address the alley was located. "A girl.. she has been attacked! She looks thirteen, Goddess have mercy."

She was in intensive care for three days. And stayed in hospital for another fortnight. She didn't answer any questions asked to her about what had happened and when asked about anything else she gave the shortest answer possible. Her mother sobbed every night by her bedside, when she thought her little girl was asleep.

"Sweet Hikari.. Don't let go" She used to whisper. The girl thought that perhaps that her mother knew she was awake after all, she always knew when she was pretending at home after all.

It didn't matter, she told herself, no one matter now.

Clear Skies

HA! Gods what was She? All that rather pathetic grumblings about how She couldn't care about anybody but Her dearest twisted Little Brother! Only getting in a pod could make Her feel alive! What utter trash!

Well, She is out of the picture for now. I'm in charge. Waking up in that Clone Vat seems to be the best thing that has happened in a long time. Her eyes were black and white and Mine are full of colour! Not too say everything has changed. I'm still very fond of my Kid Brother, I like to burn things, break other peoples toys and I can't resist an X-Instinct when offered. But now I can take delight in all those things! If the Amarrian God came down right now and called Judgement Day, by Him I would be laughing in Hell right now.

Anyway, got to keep this brief. Got a clone to break in!

Admission

Hikari sits at the top of a crumbling bell tower. Around her a ruined townscape in all directions with a giant warehouse stands out, undamaged, to the east. The Damnation Angel's corporate logo painted on its enormous wall. She takes a sip from a flask before setting it down, she presses a recording device that is clipped onto her Biker's cut before picking up a laser rifle and aiming down its sight. Finding her targets, two mechs that patrol a side street close to the bell tower, she squeezes off two shots and the victims explode into a tangled mess of wires and hydraulics.

She sighs as she brings rifle back "Nothing matters to me now bar getting my thrills in increasingly self-destructive ways. Motorbikes were the tamest of my latest activities, and when Kayleigh mentioned that she was looking for something to fill the void from there being no racing league now I jumped at the chance to bring someone else into my downward spiral. It started off good, showing her the ropes of a classic combustion motorbike. A couple other pilots that expressed interest joined and a few races got under way. Kayleigh was good, if she tries again she'll out-pace all of us all. Though I'm not sure she'll try again after her final lap.

"Jude was pushing his bike way beyond what it was designed to take. It stressed the engine and it shredded causing his rear wheel to lock and him to come flying off. Kayleigh was behind and tried to doubt the flying Civire and his bike. I think she managed to clear him but couldn't react to the corner in time. She came off too and round across the grass off the track. While all this was going on all I could think is that I wish it was me coming off and being disappointed that she only suffered a bruised shoulder.

Vince is probably the only person who knows what I am really like, and I can see the concern in his eyes when I tell him about what I get up to. I'm almost certain that he'd do anything for me, including following me down this path. But doing this to myself and allowing him to do this are not the same thing. I guess there are still some feelings buried in me after all. Vince, I love you. I'm not sure I've told you to your face, only agreed to such statements when you say it to me. I just wish tha-- " Her voice cuts off as explosions detonate beneath her and the bell tower starts to topple. Hikari cusses loudly as all she can do is brace herself as she is buried under the rubble.

A new beginning

Four hours until I leave Veto.

I didn't think I'd feel too bad about it, but I do. I'll miss a lot of pilots, though I probably wouldn't admit that publicly. I am following my brother to the Angels, now that is something I would have strong feelings about and I find I don't. Even before I was a Capsuleer and was just a sharpshooter, the Angels were the only people I actually took pleasure in killing. The files Old Me left about her history shows she had a brief time with them if only mostly by proxy while working for the Serpentis, then she for five years she was actively against them as part of the Nation. But it is just further proof that I am not Her, or neither the girl I used to be. But then, when I die the person that steps out of that clone vat will not be me and maybe that enmity against the Angels will return, we'll see.

I met Kayleigh Jamieson for the second first time. It was strange acting like we were old friends but I enjoyed speaking to her and have sent her a mail to see if she wants to speak more. She is with Electus Matari, however, so I'll have to be careful.